i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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