Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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