Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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