whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
