I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
