It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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