so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
