the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
