My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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