i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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