some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
