No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
