I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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