i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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