Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
