woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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