This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Say something about gay babies.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
