I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
