He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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