i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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