The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
