Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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