Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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