Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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