Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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