he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
50% drunk capacity currently
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
