Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She's the barista slut.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
