He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
