just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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