It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
