dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
