I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
