Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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