hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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