I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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