Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
