when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please, let me fuck your mom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
