I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
