She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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