READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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