Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
