Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
