This girl is more easily done than said...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dignity is for republicans.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
