If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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