ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
