I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
