hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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