Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
