Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
