the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
