i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
