you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
