So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
