I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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