At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
