On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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