I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yo dont text me then not text me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My pussy is not your playground.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
