just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Boobs are out for the taking
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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