When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
