remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
